The Gallery Of "Misused" Quotation Marks - Permanent Collection

The Early, or Naive, Period: Exhibits 9609.1 through 9711.1

exhibit 9711.1

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A sign in a restaurant in Union, CT:

   Wait
   Staff
  "Only"

Yeah, right, I know there's "unauthorized" people in there, maybe even "customers."

exhibit 9710.2

An electronics store called Maxcom hits a quotation mark grand slam with this recent "ad" (28k).

exhibit 9709.1

Here's a flyer (29k) that came in the mail from P. C. Richard, an appliance store that was having a "Very Private Sale".

exhibit 9709.1

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I saw this on Route 128 south this morning on the side of a truck:
     Tri-State Freightliner
   The "Premier" Truck Dealer
One could presume that in reality, they suck...

exhibit 9707.2

An apparently disgruntled would-be customer recently sent this fax to a fabric company:

Thanks for your fax and the bad news. Your "explanation" is rather "boring" I must say. All other Co. I order from can and do deliver the same amount of yardage...

exhibit 9707.1

There's a sign on a utility pole in Brooklyn that offers callers to an 800 number the opportunity to work from "home." From somebody else's home, I guess.

exhibit 9706.1

A Bay Ridge Pizzeria recently had a sign in their window that read:

Closed "Saturday"
for a Family "Wedding".

exhibit 9702.2

Maaco already has a reputation among some people for their memorable TV commercials (like the one where a guy brings his old car to the car wash and the crew starts singing "Washin' gonna make that crate look duller/what you need my man is color"). So it comes as little surprise to find them in the Gallery advertising (10k) Auto Painting "Madness," which may not be as crazy as you think.

exhibit 9702.1

The mattress store Sleepy's is challenging (17k) "Any Other 1-800#" to beat their prices. So maybe 900 numbers can also try?

exhibit 9701.2

An ad (10k) for "Beeper Club" of America, Inc. That's right, the quotation marks are built right into their name. I'd like to see their certificate of incorporation.

exhibit 9701.1

The following was included in a job posting sent to the World Wide Web Artists Consortium mailing list:

Web designers, Design firms needed for major technology firm in NYC area.
Java, Director, animation and high end design required.

Please repond to
[e-mail address omitted to protect the guilty]

"Must LIST URL's for reference"

As one wag observed, maybe FTP addresses are close enough. Come to think of it, "respond" isn't spelled right either.

exhibit 9610.2

A store called Home Surplus is offering (28k) a "free" kitchen. The fine print reveals that only the design, estimate and delivery are "free." The materials and labor are "not."

exhibit 9610.1

The Oasis Night Club on Staten Island advertises (12k) that they are for the "mature" crowd.

exhibit 9609.2

There is a deli in Brooklyn called the Empire "86 St." Deli. I believe they're on 86th Street, but who knows for sure?

exhibit 9609.1

Emgee Furniture Warehouse Outlet (their slogan: We're out of the way but it will Pay We'll Beat Any Price In The U.S.A. *(With Sample of Competitors Advertisement)) mentions in their ad (31.5k) in Sunday's New York Daily News that they offer a "one year" layaway plan.

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