The Gallery Of "Misused" Quotation Marks - Permanent Collection

The Yahooist Movement, Part I: Exhibits 9802.1 through 9802.32

exhibit 9802.32

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In Laughlin NV at the Riverside Hotel and Casino, there are at least two, and maybe more, signs along the water taxi area that read as follows, in all caps:
    "NO"
SOLICITING
Does this perhaps mean that they use "New Orleans" style soliciting?

exhibit 9802.31

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I was in a restaurant with a friend and we were both amused by the sign over the cash register which proclaimed that:
We will be "closed" for the holidays
My friend and I have been accenting "words" at random since then (with that classical clawing motion of "the" fingers) and I am thrilled to find this "website." A related phenomenon escalates this odd habit up a notch: have you noticed people adding the phrase 'if you will' apparently at random as they speak? It is, if you will, somewhat curious. You "hear" it a lot on NPR.

exhibit 9802.30

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

This was in an RSVP from a friend for a party I was giving:
I regret to say that "I" will not be there, but "I" do hope you have a good time.
("I've" crossed him off the invitation list.)

exhibit 9802.29

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Metal, painted sign which appeared in the parking lot at work, courtesy building operations management:

  "NO"
Skateboarding
Rollerblades
Bicycles
On these premises

exhibit 9802.28

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I used to pass a certain diner each day on my walk to work. There was a sign in the window of the diner which boasted:
"Ho-made" soups

exhibit 9802.27

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Actually, my own mom is a real offender of this kind! She always addresses our birthday (or whatever occasion it may be) card envelopes with our names in quotes ("Lis," "Greg,"), and then signs the card Love "Mom." I would worry about this if we all didn't look so much like her - she IS our real mom, so I don't get it!

exhibit 9802.26

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A deli in my area has a sign in the window:
---Every "Thursday" Hoagies 1/2 price!---

exhibit 9802.25

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a sign outside a retirement home in Hanwell, London, England:
Hanwell Centre: A "Voluntary" Home for the Elderly

exhibit 9802.24

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

These are both from handouts for a course on Earth Systems at Stanford University:
Hydrology "is" the most important element of earth systems.
The "Sun" drives the hydrologic cycle.

exhibit 9802.23

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a December drive from Dallas, Texas to Los Angeles, a roadside attraction at the New Mexico/Arizona border advertised a slew of trinkets for sale. Once we hit this hot spot of commerce there was but a small store that couldn't possibly hold as much as had been advertised on billboards. But next door was a restaurant, Open "24 Hours." We couldn't quite figure out what was meant by quoting 24 hours - was it a nudge-nudge, wink-wink reference? was it a case of we're only open 18 hours but who's counting? was it just a safety valve - we like to think we're open 24 hours but some nights business gets so slow we just head home? Or, our favorite, it's the concept of emotional comfort. In case we ever pass this way again, we know we can count on them. Maybe.

exhibit 9802.22

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Hand printed sign in a car window intended to discourage would be thieves:
No "computer" in car

exhibit 9802.21

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

There are endless examples in one of the first self-help books ever. Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote his book Psycho-Cybernetics with an interesting style that no editor should have permitted. There are literally five or six "words" a page for two hundred or so pages.

exhibit 9802.20

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Seen at the "fertilization" section of Ace Hardware... to describe what kind of fertilizer was being sold, the sign read:
"Cow" Manure

exhibit 9802.19

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Seen on a restaurant marquee in New Jersey:
A family restaurant with family "prices"
...perhaps this restaurant is based upon a barter system rather than a typical exchange of currency...

exhibit 9802.18

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

My favorite example of inexplicable quotation marks is found at a car wash in a suburb of Columbia, South Carolina. In the area where customers wait to have their cars cleaned is this sign:
For your "safety," please remain in the "waiting area."
PS: My English-teacher husband and I have a joke about this. When we see a whole phrase in misused quotes (such as "Try our delicious popcorn!"), we like to rectify the situation by attributing it to a famous speaker, such as Theodore Roosevelt or Winston Churchill. Therefore: "These prices prove we are crazy!!" -- G.K. Chesterton.

exhibit 9802.17

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a flower seller's delivery van at a shopping centre in Sandton, South Africa:
You've bought from the rest, now buy from the "blooming" best!
Are they blooming or not as in flowers, or as in the swearword?

exhibit 9802.16

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

The doors of our computer center used to bear little signs (engraved plastic, mind you -- not some "hand-written" "cheap" paper memo) warning:
Please contact Phys. Plant before doing "any" maintenance in this building.

exhibit 9802.15

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Every summer, there's a local farmer's market tent set up by the side of the road near my house. They've got a big sign that proudly proclaims:
"Fresh" Fruit and Vegetables
I'll take a picture of it this summer and send it to you.

exhibit 9802.14

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

From a note from my daughter's third grade teacher:
Dear Parents, Hello! I'm absolutely thrilled to be the "new" teacher.

exhibit 9802.13

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

During a time out at a Los Angeles Lakers basketball game in the early 80's, the message board flashed the following:
Next game, February 16 vs. Larry "Bird" and the Boston Celtics!

exhibit 9802.12

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A sign in a supermarket:
"Hamburger" $1.19 lb.

exhibit 9802.11

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At the Tulsa, Oklahoma, "Zoo" is a kiosk that sells roasted peanuts. The kiosk is located "Near" the Elephant "Display." The "Bags" in which the peanuts are sold bear the phrase: "Awful Fresh Goobers" I am not sure which is worse, the quotations, or the phrase

exhibit 9802.10

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A huge banner on the side of the building housing a local chiropractor's office advertises "A.B.C" --- Affordable "Back" Care!

exhibit 9802.9

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I think most of them were badly taught. They get quotation marks mixed up with italics. They don't understand that, quite often, quotation marks mean "faux". So you'll see ads like this one, my favorite:
Our tables are made of "wood."

exhibit 9802.8

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

There's a flyer for the waterski club on my campus that says for more information, call "Frank" at XXX-XXXX. I wonder what his real name is...

exhibit 9802.7

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Sign seen on a delivery truck in the Boston area:
"We sell integrity"
One can only assume that they will "sell" to the highest bidder!

exhibit 9802.6

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I was recently visiting Moab, Utah, and a few miles outside of town is a tourist attraction called Hole in the Rock. I passed the place several times over the weekend, each time fuming more and more over the annoying sign painted on the beautiful sandstone cliff above the shop. The sign read:
   Hole "n the Rock
I don't even know what that means. Why abbreviate the word 'in'? It's two letters! And if they meant to abbreviate it, why use double quotes? Furthermore, apostrophe-n generally means 'and', as in "Chip 'n Dale." Completely infuriating...

exhibit 9802.5

I was recently installing some software from the Corel corporation. During the installation procedure, I was advised (11k) that the serial number was on the "Registration Card".

Thanks for the "tip".

exhibit 9802.4

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A slide show before a movie at a local movie theater in Windsor, CA sported a car dealership ad. Off to the side, next to all the other information was:
"We Finance!"

exhibit 9802.3

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

From a recent ad in a local newspaper:
Young pups for sale, from "smart" parents, need "loving" home.

exhibit 9802.2

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Seen on a WaWa sign (the local version of the 7-11) over the deli:
Try our new Lumberjack Soup- made with "Man-sized vegetables!"

I guess they're not as big as woman or child sized veggies.

exhibit 9802.1

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

My local green grocer sells excellent produce always cheaper than the grocery chains. It's a family business, and all signs are hand-made. They insist, however, on putting the word fresh in quotation marks, e.g., "FRESH" EGGPLANT. When questioned about this practice, they will respond that they need the word fresh to indicate that the item was recently picked. They do the same with the word sweet as in "SWEET" STRAWBERRIES!

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