The Gallery Of "Misused" Quotation Marks - Permanent Collection

The Early Post-Yahoo Period: Exhibits 9804.01 through 9805.21

exhibit 9805.21

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At my school, there's a sign in the cafeteria advertising hamburgers:
"New" Crusader Burger -- made "fresh" daily!
Hmmm... I wonder how often the other food is prepared.

exhibit 9805.20

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a menu at a diner near Hattiesburg, Mississippi:
You'll "love" our food!

exhibit 9805.19

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a real estate office marquee in Massachusetts:
It's a buyer's market. Come inside for "free details."

exhibit 9805.18

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A gift shop on Fremont St. in Las Vegas has cases full of $10 watches. The signs on the glass displays all read:
World's "Most" Beautiful Watches.

exhibit 9805.17

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At the downtown Weiner World (yes, the actual name) restaurant in Pittsburgh:
Help Wanted. Must have cash register experience and be "willing to work."

exhibit 9805.16

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Web page advocating the use of the Peters Projection (itself a candidate for some sort of misuse gallery):
Such a moment in history demands that we "look" critically at our understanding of the world.

exhibit 9805.15

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A mysterious sign on a building site near my home recommends that visitors wear "hats" and "boots" when entering...

exhibit 9805.14

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At a Butcher's shop I passed once in the country, I saw a sign which read:
"Fresh" sausages
Naturally I kept driving.

exhibit 9805.13

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

The following sign was seen on a coffee machine in the emergency room at St Joseph's Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor, MI:
"2" cup sizes

exhibit 9805.12

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Taped to the door of a party store near my mother's house:
NO"BEAR" FEAT
I wonder, are you not allowed to be a bear, or do anything exciting? And if you are a bear, it must be noteworthy -- especially in the middle of Detroit!

exhibit 9805.11

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Sign I recently saw on a store in the Byward Market in Ottawa, Ontario:
"Fresh" Fish
I thought I would take my chances buying groceries elsewhere.

exhibit 9805.10

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On the campaign posters around my community, I've seen the message:
YOUR "NO" TAX HIKE VOTE
maybe there's a hike, maybe not... elect me, and then I'll tell you.

exhibit 9805.09

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

For some reason, graffitoists believe that, when following their name with the year, the year should be in quotes:
Dave "98"
Seniors "86"
etc.

exhibit 9805.08

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

There's a bar in my neighborhood with sign in the window which reads:
You must be "21" to enter this bar!
I always chuckle when I see it.

exhibit 9805.07

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Check out that great educational site The C.I.A. for kids! I guess the subjects described don't really do anything very nasty if they're called "spies," "agents" or are described as being "undercover."

exhibit 9805.06

As the curator of a widely known "Gallery" such as this one, I often receive unsolicited messages regarding potential "money-making" opportunities or places on the Internet that I can visit when I'm feeling "lonely." One such message was especially "appropriate:"

From: freedom@freedomfound.com
Date: Tue, 5 May 1998 01:49:41 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: AD: "By Invitation Only"

Hello,
  You are cordially invited, by a group of Millionaires,
to a three minute call.
  These gentlemen are prepared to share their secrets of wealth building
to a select few that will put their strategies in place.
  The business they will teach you is as simple as sharing
two telephone numbers with those that have a desire to dramatically
change their life forever.
  You will have several hundred to several thousand dollars
Federal Expressed "Overnight" to you in CASH by the end of next week!
NOT a money or get rich quick scheme but a legitimate, phenomenal,
previously unknown business plan.
The first number for you to call {Toll Free} is...

exhibit 9805.05

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At Weis Supermarket in State College, PA, a sign at one of the checkout aisles reads:
"PARENTS" NO CANDY SOLD ON THIS AISLE.
So are they addressing foster parents? Legal guardians? Kidnappers? I "wonder!"

exhibit 9805.04

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

There are flower vendors all over Richmond, with five-gallon buckets filled with pre-wrapped bouquets [remember this word] of, I think, garishly spray-dyed carnations and other flowers. One had a sign that caught my eye (but not my wallet):
Give yuor "LADY" a BO-KAY for "Valentins Day"
Are they implying that my wife's gender is in question? And shouldn't those quote-marks be around the non-word "BO-KAY," anyway? And isn't it "your," and "Valentine's Day?" Oh, well. P.S.: I tried to contact my "accountant" about the possibility of deducting this "donation" from my taxes. But the "guards" said he was in the "exercise yard" of the "prison," and couldn't "come to the phone" just then. "Ha ha!"

exhibit 9805.03

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Misplaced quotation marks, huh? How about ones compounded with "parentheses" and "hyphens" for that "extra-stylish" look? Here in Richmond, Virginia, there used to be a whole stretch of Broad Street (downtown's main thoroughfare) where each store just had to sport an assortment of big, bold, hand-painted banners with legends such as:
     "WE"
    have the
"-(FURNITURE)-"
    "YOU"
   -(Want)-!

    "E-Z"
 ~(Lay-Away)~
    Plans!

My personal favorite? That has to be the classic:
     Your
 "~(CREDIT)~"
  is "-good-"
    "HERE!"

Was that wretched excess? No longer will you see these, though. The style has passed...
 "~(sigh)~"

exhibit 9805.02

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A co-worker just sent this e-mail message to everyone after a particularly difficult project was completed. She's being sincere, but the punctuation seems to betray her feelings:
I want to THANK YOU all for your time, energy and support. Everyone contributed in a key way - it was truly a "team" effort!

exhibit 9805.01

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I've seen signs in my college's cafeteria advertising "fresh" food. It's a form of unwitting truth in advertising!

exhibit 9804.12

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I teach private music lessons at a conservatory. Our student registration form includes the following question:
"Have you ever" taken lessons through the conservatory of music?
I can't even imagine what was going through someone's mind...

exhibit 9804.11

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At a local travel agency, they decorate the street-side windows with picture ads. This particular one show a beach party and bears the inscription:
"Your:Invited"
This is beyond the usual stupidity for the region!

exhibit 9804.10

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Sign in a barber shop:
"Thank You"
for your...
...Patronage

exhibit 9804.09

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I got this email from a co-worker with an attached document:
Please let me know if this file is "readable" to you.

exhibit 9804.08

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A newspaper ad for cosmetic surgery describes the doctor's experience and "safety" -- stating that he has "safely" performed over 4,000 procedures -- and offers an "undetectable" facelift. Then it suggests that I call "toll free" for my "free" video.

exhibit 9804.07

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

There is a sign on the main street where I live in DesMoines, WA that reads "Museum" and has an arrow pointing to the left underneath it.

exhibits 9804.06a - 9804.06c

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

LOVE your site! I have "two" to donate... :)

Sign by the teller's window at my (former) bank in Knoxville TN:
   Please count your money "before" leaving the window.
Sign above a cart in the basement of my office building:
   For postal use "only"
Sign at a Kroger grocery store in Charleston WV:
   You must be at least "18" to purchase tobacco products

exhibit 9804.05

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At work, there are two bins for mail. For no apparent reason, they're labeled like this:
"Incoming" Mail and "Outgoing" Mail
I suppose it's better than the alternative: Incoming "Mail" and Outgoing "Mail."

exhibit 9804.04

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Birthday card from my mother in law to my brother in law had his name printed on the cover in quotation marks as though it wasn't his name:
"Neil"
Great idea for a page, There is plenty of material in Georgia for you. I believe the local gentry uses quotation marks as a form of emphasis. I'll look for some examples.

exhibit 9804.03

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A sign in a bakery in the Student Union on the campus of the University of Texas at Austin says:
We have famous Round Rock "doughnuts"
I'm not sure I want to eat them...whatever they are....

exhibit 9804.02

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A truck in Kingston, Ontario, bears this informative message in huge letters on the back:
"ZARKO"
Turns out that "ZARKO" is a kennel, and this truck was probably one of the "Specially Equipped Vehicles to Transport Pets To & From Most Major Airports" advertised in the yellow pages.

exhibit 9804.01

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In the cafeteria lines of Governor Mifflin High School in Shillington, PA, the cafeteria staff are found of putting up signs like the following:
You may have
        "1"
piece of bread

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