The Gallery Of "Misused" Quotation Marks - Permanent Collection

The Yahooist Movement, Part II: Exhibits 9803.1 through 9803.46

exhibit 9803.46

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

My favorite is on a sign near the cash register at a truck stop in southern California:
Please "pay" before you "leave"
This leads me to say 'Okay, here's your "money"'

exhibit 9803.45

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At work there is a sign on a receptionist's desk that says:
See Susan for "Key's" and "Fax's"

exhibit 9803.44

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development often requires specific certifications be included in applications; for example, "I understand that lying on this application is a Federal crime." Invariably, the application comes back with the certification--and only the certification--in quotes. Of course, that renders the certification meaningless.

exhibit 9803.43

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

We recently held a management conference at a nearby conference resort. We were provided various items such as notepads and pencils. Each pencil had:
"Lansdowne Resort"
printed on it. We asked several of the staff, but none could tell us what famous person had first spoken those words, immortalized on our pencils.

exhibit 9803.42

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I used to work at a restaurant where the dinner specials were listed on a large chalk board. One special in particular remains with me to this day:
Fresh "salmon" prepared with delicate lemon beurre blanc sauce, roasted potatoes and vegetables "$14.95"

exhibit 9803.41

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Seen on the front door of a woman's clothing store:
Absolutely No "Solicitating"

exhibit 9803.40

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Seen on a sign advertising riverboat tours on the Mississippi River near Winona, MN:
Princess Winona "Cruises"
Drives me absolutely crazy every time I see it!

exhibit 9803.39

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Our graduation is coming up, and all around the school are posters advertising Colin's Formal Wear... unfortunately for them, their signs say:
The "Best" Prices in Town!
Wonder if they get much business?!

exhibit 9803.38

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

My hometown newspaper in NE Ohio is full of offenders, including an ad encouraging residents to:
Donate some of "YOUR" blood at the next Red Cross blood drive.
(or perhaps donate the blood of another)

exhibit 9803.37

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Our staff meeting notes are peppered with examples. Here are some recent ones:
Sue will need to make sure that once these items are secured that they have a suitable storage site to make them easily accessible to each night's "hostess" ...Kimberly will serve as "hostess" for three shifts... Katrina and Barbara will prepare "thank you" gifts for our in studio volunteers.

exhibit 9803.36

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Seen on a sign at a local zoo:
Please do not feed the "kangaroo's"
(notice the misuse of the apostrophe as well as the quotation marks)

exhibit 9803.35

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

For years I used to drive past a billboard for "Concerned" Citizens' Insurance. A couple of years ago, the quote marks were (visibly) painted over. They're not on the new billboards at all, alas.

exhibit 9803.34

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a large, hand scrawled sign attached to Shirley's Tavern in Tampa, Florida:
"Now" Open

exhibit 9803.33

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In Mesquite, Texas, there is an auto repair shop. The sign reads:
Dwight and Dons Automotive "complete auto care"

exhibit 9803.32

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

At a nearby gas station's automatic car wash, an electric sign provides constant updates on the washer's progress: Washing, rinsing, etc. To add that extra shine to the car, the machine finishes the job by applying a coat of "hot" wax. (Quotation marks "blinking," no less.)

exhibit 9803.31

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

My husband and I used to be "sub"-houseparents on a Boys Ranch. The housemom that we subbed for liked to use quotes excessively. For example, on the boys' chore list she would put "Rick" "vacuum," "Bobby" "dust," "Jimmy" "bathrooms," etc. Then she would sign her name "Wanda." What do you think she was trying to say? (By the way, I intended to put quotes in the first sentence. We really weren't sure WHAT we were!)

exhibit 9803.30

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In second grade, when the teacher wrote something on the board and she didn't want the janitor to erase it she would write "save."

exhibit 9803.29

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I found this in our local "newspaper" in one of those small-town social commentaries about the traffic problem in his neighborhood:
After offering "them", the police, civilian assistance on a voluntary basis, "they" don't want any of "us" to "get involved", because "the situation may not be what it appears.
Not only did he misplace his quotes, he punctuated OUTSIDE his quotation marks, and there is no end quote AT ALL!!

exhibit 9803.28

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

When I was a kid I was in a marching band, and we would get newsletters filled to the brim with misused quotation marks. I think my favorite one was:
Congratulations to "Band Member" "Jamie Marchand"

exhibit 9803.27

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Sign on a small roadside trailer in Chico, CA:
"Fresh produce and flea market"

exhibit 9803.26

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A hand-lettered sign at a hard-core weightlifting gym in South Austin reads:

  "PLEASE"
    RACK
    YOUR
   WEIGHTS!

Since the gym is run by a crusty old notorious meat-head, we can only assume that the quotes around "Please" are intended to indicate testiness, or perhaps a reluctance to indulge in a genuine "please." ;-) Also note that the note is in all caps. These are the same type people who get on e-mails and use all caps, no doubt. :-P

exhibit 9803.25

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

On a recent trip to the local PW supermarket with a friend, I noticed a cardboard sign stapled to a pole:
Make $1000 a month! Work from "home."
I laughed, and pointed it out to my friend, who promptly gave me a strange look.

exhibit 9803.24

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A well-known telephone company has placed pay phones all over this area with an advertisement printed on the side reading "Phone here." Does that mean "Here is a phone," or are they asking people to dial the number of that particular pay phone, or could it just be a personal message to E.T.? I have also seen similar advertisements printed on the same company's repair vehicles, such as "Call waiting" and "Speed dialing." Not only is it incorrect usage of the quotation mark, but it's a really stupid ad campaign.

exhibit 9803.23

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Misused quotation marks are my pet peeve. Most annoying were those on all the signs our janitor in high school used to post. We'd always see "Please" don't spit in the "water" fountain, or Keep "out" of the "janitor's" closet at all times.
You'd think she was trying to be funny, but she wasn't...

exhibit 9803.22

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In a letter from a "friend:":
My "sincere" apologies for making your life miserable. One of these days we'll have to "get together" to catch up on "old" times, okay?

exhibit 9803.21

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A diet/nutrition web site I visited recently states:
ATKINS-NEW is a support list for persons following the low carbohydrate lifestyle as described by Robert C. Atkins M.D. in his book: DR. ATKINS' "NEW DIET REVOLUTION."
Apparently Dr. Atkins' "revolution" is either not "new," not a "diet," not quite a "revolution," or some combination thereof.

exhibit 9803.20

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Check out http://www.directcredit.com/question.htm. It says in big, red letters:
Direct Credit uses the most latest software technology and little known credit laws to remove negative items "fast!"
Bad grammar, misplaced quotation marks, and bad punctuation all in one sentence! At least they use the "most latest" technology.

exhibit 9803.19

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In 1995 I bought a house, and my mortgage broker offered to mail my friends and colleagues a picture postcard of my house with my change-of-address info. He'd get a little free advertisement out of the deal. When it arrived, the postcard said:
Your friend "Joe" has moved.
All my editor friends called and asked what my real name was, and if I was in the Witness Protection Program or something

exhibit 9803.18

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Our dining service at my college puts a menu at the entrance to show that they have all types of selections before you decide to eat there. The "artist" of these signs is the king of misused quotation marks, writing things like "Chicken" a la king, Spaghetti "Bolognese," or Hot "Fudge" Sundaes.

exhibit 9803.17

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I knew a guy in high school who would sign his name with quotation marks. It looked like this:
"John" Doe.

exhibit 9803.16

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

An assignment explanation I was given in computer class:
This is a pretty simple assignment. There are no real "right" answers, but there are many "good" answers.
I guess the answer is correct if the "price" is right.

exhibit 9803.15

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I've got 2 for you, I only wish I had pictures...

One of the workers in my old high school cafeteria had an apron that said:
SCHOOL FOOD IS "GOOD!"
This always made me and my friends laugh a lot. Also, I spotted a sign in downtown Chicago that advertised
Watch "Repair" Performed by Trained "Experts."

exhibit 9803.14

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

"Fresh" seems to be a popular word to quote. Many years ago in Middletown, Connecticut I came across what I consider the premier version, a model of honesty, really, on a sign in an Italian restaurant:
When we say fresh, we mean "fresh."

exhibit 9803.13

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I was in San Diego CA (specifically the community of Carlsbad), and I went to a coffee shop called La Costa Coffee Roasting. The menu named the item, and then the description would be quoted. For example:
Espresso Mocha
"Espresso and Hot Coco"
Cafe Mocha
"Coffee and Hot Coco"

exhibit 9803.12

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A sign on the side of our civic center:
The story of "our" flag.
Do you think they have a communist organization in our civic center?

exhibit 9803.11

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Driving past a car dealership in Chicago, I noticed the sign painted on the display window. It took me a couple of "glances" to understand what they were trying to say. It read:
We're you always save "da cash."
By the way, would someone tell me when the contraction "we're" translates to where?

exhibit 9803.10

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I saw a bumper sticker that said:
Take Time to "Pray"
Does this mean they were joking and you shouldn't actually pray? Also, I saw a sign in an office building that said:
TURN LIGHTS "OFF"
Maybe that would make sense if there were an "OFF" label on the switch. Finally, the king of all punctuational abuse was a hand-lettered sign on a small store along the highway:
"Cold" Drink's

exhibit 9803.09

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

There's a church in Davis Square in Somerville, Ma. I'm not sure of the denomination, but the sign outside reads:
"You've got a friend at" College Avenue Church.

exhibit 9803.08

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

A music store near Toronto had some prominently displayed posters with graphics of several different albums on sale, and their prices. In large, bold print at the top of the poster were the words:
"Wan't some?"
That is the single dumbest thing I have ever seen on an ad. Not only were the quotation marks out of place, but they threw in that apostrophe for no explicable reason. I wish I had that poster hanging in my room. It was classic.

exhibit 9803.07

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I was in the bathroom peeing when I looked up on the wall and noticed a sign that said:
"Please Help" keep this room clean.
I thought to myself, now why did they even bother? why not just say "Please Help keep this room clean??" I mean, does it really change the context that much??

exhibit 9803.06

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

Saw this in the yellow pages:
"Main office"
First American National Bank
27 Main St....555-8655

"Branch office"
Farragut Branch
22 Poplar Rd....555-5595

exhibit 9803.05

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I received a Christmas card addressed to:
The Trembley family and "daughter."
I had no idea relatives questioned the existence of my 2 year old till then.

exhibit 9803.04

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I found this on www.letour.fr - the "official" web site of Le Tour de France bike race. I liked the "french" <<quotes>>:
The four «wild cards» will be awarded on June 16, after the Tour of Italy and the Dauphiné Libéré.

exhibit 9803.03

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

In my office, the receptionist's name plate has her name in quotation marks, like this:
"Jane Smith"
I wonder what her real name is?

exhibit 9803.02

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I have a physician friend who bought a summer cottage on a private lane where each property owner was listed on a sign at the foot of the drive. One weekend he arrived to see that his name had been painted on the sign as follows:
"Dr." Richard B. Smith
-- an implied questioning of his credentials that delighted, rather than offended him!

exhibit 9803.01

We have received this generous "Donation" from a recent visitor:

I recently received a letter from the "Bank of America" explaining a change in my account. It reads:
Dear Client,

We have processed the change you requested on your account. Please take a moment to review the appropriate information in the enclosed "FACTS" booklet. If we can provide any further information, please feel free to contact us...

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